Saturday, January 1, 2011

welcome, 2011

At these times of the year I inevitably ask myself where I was in my life 1 year ago. And I wrote a whole post about how I used to be engaged and miserable, never able to fall in love with him but self-loathing enough to believe and take on all the crap he threw at me, blamed me for, accused me of.
But it was just so far removed from where I am in my life now. I could barely look at the pathetic, histrionic story, laid out in simple words on the screen. I deleted it and it felt good. And it feels good to write about it this way.

Instead I’d like to tell you about my New Year. It’s the beginning of a new decade, ya know.
Well I’ve so far given some hints as to the new direction of my life, but I’m about to spell it out for you. So far in my life, I’ve either been in a relationship or recovering from one. Those were the 2 modes I consistently found myself in. So this is the first time that I’ve been completely alone, with no one to tell me its my fault, with no one to judge my whims, with no one to hold me accountable. Its just me, just Kendra, facing Kendra, living with Kendra. And alllll this stuff started to surface.
I’ve become increasingly dissatisfied with modern living. I’m not on Facebook, I don’t Tweet, I don’t spend my time watching YouTube; none of it has ever made sense to me, its always all felt so far away. Blogging is one of my exceptions, because it feels like writing, and it feels like connecting. The rest of today’s ‘conveniences’ feel so foreign and uncomfortable. Its just never made SENSE to me.

The more I’ve been exposing myself to things that feed my soul, the more I realize my heart longs for a simpler time. So I’m going back to that. No, I’m not going hardcore like Tasha Tudor, but I now officially deem myself a Homesteader. Homesteading is embracing the domestic arts, seeking self-sufficiency, and going back to a simpler way of life, when things were done by hand instead of by pressing a button.
I’ve always been naturally inclined to domesticity, and when my classmate called me ‘little Suzy Homemaker wrapped in a layer of urban city girl’, it just all made sense, it all clicked.
I already put on an apron to do my daily chores and cooking tasks. I already compost. I already light my house mostly with candles than with the flip of a switch. And I already wake up at 530am to feed my chickens (sadly theres a big empty space where the chickens should be, and so instead I tend to the crafts and I write here).
It seems to me that in simpler times, people did things ‘properly’. Life was of a better quality when you spent your day growing your own vegetables and baking your own bread to share with friends and family. There is so much LIFE in the home. That’s where everything feels ALIVE to me, in the home, with friends, with family, with neighbors.

Also, I just want to be more in control of what I choose to embrace into my life. I want everything to be lovely. For me, this includes everything from the people I want in my life, right down to the ingredients I want in my food. I want to do it myself. I want to make it myself. I want to.
And I’m not alone.
Ever since a perusal at Green Apple Books where I was drawn to Made from Scratch, I’ve been highly inspired by everything Jenna Woginrich has accomplished all on her own at Cold Antler Farm. Since when is an aspiring farmer one of my heroes? Since 2011, thats when!

And here’s another post from a like-minded blogger (Maple Hill 101) who has an echoing New Years Resolution and says it more concisely and poignantly than I ever could.

By following my heart, it has lead me to a community where I at last feel like I am finally as I was made to be.
I am finally as I was made to be.

I said it at the beginning, and I'll say it again:
I'd give it all up to live in the Anne of Green Gables movie.
So follow me as I begin with the baby steps of growing my own herbs and baking my own crumpets.

“It’s a big time, folks”

Current mood: bliss.
Current music: cat stevens - the wind

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