Monday, September 12, 2011

stay in character


How do I...
I'm not sure where to begin...
. . .
. . . . .

We did it.
There was a ring; I said yes.

I got married.

It was (kind of) spontaneous and the ceremony was intimate and beautiful and high up and officiated by the most odd little Aussie, and I cant wait to see the pictures.
...So now my story ends here. I can dust hands and plan life. I can close this chapter, close this blog, say goodnight.

Thank you everyone for all your support and love.

I got married!

Disclaimer: Now, before you get too carried away, it was a spiritual wedding. Which means there was a ring, a ceremony, vows, photos, a reception, etc, but we didn't sign any papers. It was all about celebrating the connection that happens between two people, falling in love, infatuation, whatever it may be; celebrating the fact that it *exists*, that it actually *happens*.

I've always wanted to be a wife; I've always wanted to have a wedding, and to be married and happily in love. But I've now reached 28 years old and so far, I've been nothing but WRONG about love, about men. And though it breaks my heart wide open, I'm beginning to accept that I might not get the one thing I want most in life. The tragedy of this reality is unfuckingbearable.
So even if it never happens for me, at least I had THIS. Even if its invalid, at least I had a ceremony, a wedding, a vow exchange, pictures. I had the moment, the celebration, and all of the feelings.
Whether it is an escapist idealistic fantasty or not.
Even if it never happens for me, at least I had THIS.

Friday, September 2, 2011

mind the gap

I've landed myself a Brit! (Doesn't he look like a taller Keven?) He's so lovely and he says things like he's "keen on" me, and "fancies" me.
He earns points for:
-his charming accent
-his kindness
-his gorgeous apartment
-his height
-his charming accent
-his generousity
-his uber cool job
-his wardrobe
-his accent.

So another 'morning after', waking up in his light-filled apartment while he calls me 'babe' and grabs us some coffee, and I'm swooning.
And though he's eager to make me 'the girlfriend', I've been quite a bit hurt in the recent past, so I'm making every effort to pump the brakes on my heart's tendencies to open up and bleed. Not easy.

And in the meantime, today I'm filming the online preview thats meant as advertising for the play. The director needs Pris to be "all sex" in this scene, so I've the proper black lace lingerie, garter belt, and thigh-high fishnets. Not to mention the new hair cut Lorissa gave me. Half of my head is practically shaved, and the other half is purple and choppy.
Oh Pris.

current mood: punk rock
current music: art brut - good weekend