Fall(ing)

'you didnt think you could get away with that forever, did you?'
---and other lies my drunken self writes on my walls

It frustrates me that some boys will remember me, mistakenly, as someone who loved them. Because the truth is, those particular boys?- I've always been, and will be, just a little bit out of their reach.
You see, Love is giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting them not to.
And though I gave away the power, I never trusted a soul.

Now, I look in the mirror and I hardly recognize myself. My hair, my body, my composure- we are all strangers to each other. Nobody that knew me even six months ago could place me now. I don't know yet if I prefer it this way.
But the weather is changing and I can cover myself with layers of sweaters again, and hide behind stacks of books and piles of journals. Autumn brings with it my emotional hibernation, and there is comfort to be found in the changing colors of the trees, undressing their leaves; falling.

"You," he said, "are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain."
-The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls, Emilie Autumn


current mood: solstice'd
current music: grace potter and the nocturnals - never go back