Monday, November 15, 2010

being my mother's daughter

My work at Cherish has me positively delighted, and so I was quite 'bowled over', so to speak, when they asked me to substitute teach a scheduled workshop: Junior's (12 yrs and under) Fall Wreath-Making. I felt so honored! Oh my goodness! Oh no! Oh yes! Oh me! Oh my! Oh!!!

They asked me on Friday, and choking on my giddiness, i barely managed to give a resounding YES. My Borderline Personality Disorder acted up right away. I felt anxious and happy and tired and excited and joyful and PEACEFUL (of all things) and deliriously confused, all overwhelmingly so.
Then it was time for my weekly group meditation meeting. Needless to say, it was a bad sit. I was able to wrap the intellectual side of my brain around the Buddhist lecture, but the meditation itself was teeming with my thoughts, my plans.

in my excitement, I called my mom to brag and scrape the well for some form of validation. But no. And I should have known that she wouldn't let me have my moment, even for something this small. HER Borderline Personality Disorder was running on high, because her response was nil, except to tell me that she had a boyfriend.
First of all, I'm getting a kick out of the fact that my mother has more of a dating life than I do. Secondly, I am proud of myself for not falling into her BPD traps, her self-righteous attempts to induce pity. Thirdly, bitch didn't know the evolved human being she'd be dealing with, because MY reaction was to invite them both for Thanksgiving. HA.

And Oh whaddayaknow, they simply can't make it (surely more of my mother's manipulative twists and turns).

No matter. I've the Tasha Tudor 'Take Joy' documentary on VHS and netflix is in the midst of sending me the Colonial House series.
You know, this season I am noticing that for the first time in a long time, I will be single for the holidays. Last year I was engaged to a local celebrity (more on that at a later date), and the year before that I was falling in love and travelling cross-country with a Canadian-born animator. I'm a little trepidatious, slightly hesitant about facing the holidays all by my lonesome. What do single folks with strained family connections do?

Looks like this

and this, of course

and a little of this again.

I wonder what my new daddy will get me for christmas.

current mood: proud.
current music: feist - sea lion woman

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